My Collected Facebook Wisdom :D

My interesting facebook updates! Some serious, some sarcastic!

Those marked with * are copied from somewhere, but I don’t have reference to the original source🙂

  1. Obesity does not run in the family… The problem is no one runs in the family.*
  2. Today is Sunday.
    Share this with 15 friends on facebook wall.
    Within 7 days you’ll get another Sunday.
    It really works.
    One of my friends ignored this message and he got a Monday within 24 hours!
    Believe me it works….*
  3. Klout used to have an interesting, even if pointless (read ego-boosting) use. Now, it is what? A twitter like stream of my facebook activities?
  4. I have a dream!
    One day I will have a mobile number
    Where
    I won’t be told about the best IT courses in the town
    Nor will I be sent the discounts on airlines’ non-existent base fares
    Or information about unbelievable prices of jewelry I will never wear
    Or that I have just withdrawn XYZ amount from my ATM
    And paid ABC through my credit card.
    Where
    My SMS inbox won’t have 100+ unread messages
    Even after cleaning it every 4th day
    And I will be able to read a message from a friend sent at midnight
    “I want to talk to you urgently. Are you awake?”
    Don’t I have simple dreams?
  5. Honi-Anhoni folks, Aamir Khan was not Ghajini😀 (After the world-cup win frenzy!)
  6. I am stuck on the first slide of a presentation for past three days. I need to pull my MBA self together!!
  7. Entrepreneur
    Problem Solver
    Forever
  8. Human greed has no end. I have a toaster. Its a 2-slice toaster. Now I want 4-slice one!
  9. In our childhood days, people used to paint a picture of decay in future, when people won’t eat normal food, but would take pills for their body’s requirement. Now that I think of it, I won’t mind pills for day to day food. Then, once in a while you can do elaborate cooking and enjoy the real food
  10. No. Its not a joke.–Me: So, what will be the complexity of this algorithm?
    C: What?
    Me: The time complexity of the algorithm?
    C: Oh! Time… Yeah. It can be done in half an hour.


    Mumble the parting words and put the phone down.

  11. Me: Have you used malloc function in C?
    C: Yes. Many a times.
    Me: What does it do?
    C: It is used to dynamically allocate memory.
    Me: What does it return?
    C: An address.
    Me: What is the datatype it rerurns?
    C: It just returns an address.
    Me: Is address a data type in C?
    C: Uh… No…
    Me: Then?
    C: It is just a number.
    Me: A number?
    C: Yeah.
    Me: As in an integer or…
    C: Yes. An integer.
    Me: Do you mean malloc returns an integer?
    C: Yes.—-If a good interviewer is supposed to lead the candidate to the right answer, I failed misrably. Sorry!

  12. A master at being the jack of all trades!
  13. What’s in a name? Brinjal, Eggplant or Auburgine. That which we call a baingan, by any other name would taste as atrocious.
  14. Looking at resumes again – not for ourselves this time. When will people stop writing pointless “objectives” in their resumes. Experienced and freshers alike!
  15. No dear Facebook, my page is not for a local business with a street address. As if JustDial was not enough😦
  16. I have to give it to naaptol.com for being innovative. The “unsubscribe” link on their newsletter is right on top. So, I couldn’t locate it for a while :)) Because I was looking for some unreadable print at the bottom!
  17. Bollywood hasn’t produced any birthday songs in recent years. We are still stuck with “Baar Baar Din Ye Aaye”. Opportunity?😀
  18. People who fail are not losers. People who do not gracefully accept their failures are!
  19. It’s easy to do no evil, when you are God’s favourite child. The real test comes when He starts testing you through tough times!🙂
  20. “Mere paas light-weight laptop hai, 3G dongle hai, VPN hai. Tumhare paas kya hai?”
    “Mere paas real office hai!”

    Just like that.
  21. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.
  22. I’ve made up my mind, don’t confuse me with the facts.😀
  23. As a manager whether you see what people have done, or you see what they have not done – makes a world of difference!
  24. I am seriously tired of people who want their manucripts “back” after having sent it through e-mail.
  25. Just saw a 10 page resume, from which I couldn’t figure out when had the guy graduated. I often say that length of the resume does not matter. But these people make me rethink🙂
  26. Mai un 4 logon ko muddat se dhoond rahi hoon jinko meri nizi zindgi me itna zyada interst hai ki Maa Baap hamesa bolte hai ki 4 LOG dekenge to kya bolenge?*
  27. Dear Just Dial! Stop asking me to enter my mobile number and then I will believe you that you want to give me an ipad 2😀
  28. Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius – Dr. Watson in “The Valley of Fear”
  29. ‎A change of work is the best rest – Sherlock Holmes in “The Sign of Four”
  30. ‎”What you do in this world is a matter of no consequence. The question is, what can you make people believe that you have done?” Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet. Looks like he, too, was a victim of corporate world😀
  31. No. No. No. Everything on Internet (and elsewhere) is not a democracy. In some systems you have to bow down to the rules set by specific people😀
  32. “Arr… Now for some people “Ekla Chalo Re” is Kahaani Movie ka song!! Sigh!
  33. Wikipedia lists “Angulimaal” in the list of Indian serial killers. Are our crime records, like our achievements, also stuck in past?
  34. I wish humans could go into hibernation during the months with rotten weather🙂
  35. A star leaving a mediocre institution is not going to cause the fall of the institution. It already knows how to run with mediocrity.
  36. Today, I totally deserved that Pizza. I managed to get Professional Courier to pick up a call on their customer care number. Yay!
  37. No. All feminists don’t have unhappy marriages🙂
  38. It is surprising to see how many men develop a crush on strong women and how few can actually accept one as a serious partner.
  39. The more you automate the business processes, the more important it is that the person sitting at the end of the system is willing and capable of using his brains.
  40. No. No. Just because I have written a book now does not mean I have start taking myself too seriously.
  41. Dear Bangalore,
    After I have missed you so fondly in last 10 days at Delhi, why did you have to welcome me back with a traffic jam so close to my home?
  42. Can understand the jostling in the buses, metro, roads. Even for getting out of trains and flights. But what on earth could be the reason for someone jostling out of the airline bus to board a flight. Will that help him reach his destination any faster?
  43. So – apparently the coffee that I have been calling hot water all this while tasted so bitter to some Delhi waala that he asked the vendor if he was selling coffee or neem!!

    Sigh!😦

  44. There are some books that I read and then think – you have to be a super narcissist to be able to write like that!
  45. Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you are up to.*
  46. You know you are a celebrity when a fake wall post in your name starts appearing on facebook.
  47. Dr. Samit Sharma: Ek aisi tragedy roz hamare aas paas ho rahi hai, jisse tsunami aur earthquake se zyada jaanein jaati hai.
    Aamir Khan: Kya hai woh tragedy?

    Karan Kundra: Teenage!

  48. Facebook ads are a good way of making a list of Indian e-commerce sites🙂
  49. Dear McDonalds,

    Just accept it, okay? You don’t get “spicy”. Stop making fool of yourself by trying to make and advertise spicy stuff.

    Regards
    Once fooled, always cautious customer!

  50. Have I become old or has Internet become old? The new web-product launches no longer provide the same excitement to me as they used to a few years back🙂
  51. The smartphones have made everything easier to do on the phone, except…. making calls!
  52. Many novice readers do the realize that the bestsellers do not mean the best books🙂
  53. There is a mayor for Manipal Hospital on foursquare. I hope its an employee.🙂
  54. You shouldn’t fight the pig in mud, especially when the pig can take high moral grounds.
  55. Fat pet mein isliye jama hota hai kyonki woh lazy hota hai. Wahin absorb hota hai, aur wahin rah jaata hai. Zyada idhar-udhar travel nahin karta – Abhaya Agarwal
  56. IITs must care for schools”. Really, Mr. Sibal? What is Ministry of HRD supposed to do then? Oh yes – mess up with IITs. Silly me.
  57. “Despite what Sheldon Cooper may argue, some people are impossible!
  58. There is a danger there – a very real danger to humanity. Consider, Watson, that the material, the sensual, the worldly would all prolong their worthless lives. The spiritual would not avoid the call to something higher. It would be the survival of the least fit. What sort of cesspool may not our poor world become?

    – Sherlock Holmes in “The adventure of the creeping man”

  59. Folks, it’s okay to cook, eat, go to amusement parks, watch a movie, watch KKR win IPL and Dhoni lead India to a cricket world cup victory without finding lessons for entrepreneurs in them. No, really!
  60. Some people just seem to be waiting to be offended. Whatever you do or say, they will manage to convince themselves that you have offended them.
  61. Trees and the clouds peeking from behind them feel more beautiful when you look up from a boring book than when you look up from an interesting one.
  62. What was the person thinking who added “bathroom, my apartment” to foursquare. And 4sq shows it closer in distance to me than the place I am sitting at.
  63. It is amazing how creatively people can express what is essentially their bitterness with themselves and their lives.
  64. I am bored of seeing every possible view point on every possible topic. Thanks to social media!
  65. Every single communication channel has become overloaded. Even the number of tools to manage them is overwhelming. Sometimes feel like crying out loud.
  66. Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup came with recipe booklet, in which most of the recipes require Strawberry Syrup. Go figure!!
  67. In the Internet age thou shalt teach your kids not to trust the attribution of quotes on Internet.
  68. All our parents go through a phase when they just refuse to grow up.
  69. If I don’t get at least 10 likes a day, I don’t feel social enough.
  70. When in need, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Because it means that you know yourself. That’s a huge strength.
  71. If I could get customers, or even newsletter subscribers, at the rate at which I get LinkedIn invites, I would be a billionaire.
  72. What is a braver thing to do?

    Leaving a job before having the next one? OR
    Firing a maid before having the next one?

  73. Dear Chrome,

    Ask you developers not to code directly on the server.

    Thanks
    Annoyed-by-things-that-just-stop-working user

  74. Laziness is the mother of all bad habits. But ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.*
  75. Garnier Men presents “Criminal Minds”!! Hmm… not sure I want men around me to use Garner Men any longer.
  76. In this era of social, is there an under-served market for tools to help you do things solo?🙂
  77. My editor needs a lesson in law. She keeps removing “Accuracy is not guaranteed” disclaimer from my summaries replacing it with something round about like “Differences in view points are inevitable”😀
  78. The only people who seem to claim that kids these days are stupid are the teachers😀
  79. Anand marte hain. Anand roz marte hain. Ye celebrities hain to mar ke bhi zinda rahte hain. #likeitornot
  80. If you give people the opportunity to fool around, they will fool around. #murphy-restated
  81. “Auto stands should be a convenience. Instead they become a place for auto wallahs to gang up against you with unreasonable fares. Even if one of them wants to act reasonably, others won’t let him.
  82. At 15, I thought I knew it all. At (almost) 30, I think I will never know it all. That is probably the most important knowledge I gained in these fifteen years.
  83. Believe it or not. Judging today’s kids by comparing them to what you were like at their age is as unfair as your elders judging you as kids by comparing you to what they were like as kids. #profoundfunda #generationgap
  84. Just like “reboot” or “re-install” was (is?) a solution to everything in Windows, “clear the cache and cookies” is a solution to everything in Chrome. Sigh!
  85. “I am surprised at people’s ability to answer anything and everything. #quora #sarcasm
  86. Some people are too conceited to be offended. So, when you are irritated by them, offend on! There is no risk🙂
  87. You pay people for their products and services, not for taking your crap.
  88. Dear spelling and grammar checkers,

    The is a reason passive voice exists in English language. Let it be! Please.

    Regards
    An annoyed word processing software and wordpress user.

  89. Be careful about adding “No offence” before what you say. You might make something totally innocuous sound offensive!
  90. Easy reading is hard writing.*
  91. “Thank you for contating seventymm. We will call you shortly.”

    A reply to a message I sent (according to their instructions) to opt out of their smses!!

  92. One good way to have an upper hand in an argument is to make the other party’s view as the mainstream, and yours as the fringe/underdog’s/rebel’s.
  93. I Love Everybody.
    Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I’d Love to punch in the face.*
  94. Human irrationality surprises nobody other than Economists. Human behavior surprises nobody other than psychologists.
  95. And the fact that guns kill surprises nobody other than Americans!
  96. What exactly is giving me grief? The site I am visiting, the browser I am using, my computer that behaves weirdly every once in a while, my Internet connection, or just the statistics!
  97. I hate it if women use “I am a woman and I have problems” argument to accept a bad situation. But if men say that there are no systematic problems women face, they deserve worse than a-tight-slap-and-go-to-hell treatment.
  98. The world should expect nothing of use from people who feel that the burden of the world is on their shoulders.
  99. Doing a long facebook update and then shortening it for twitter is a good exercise for aspiring writers.
  100. Dear Captcha Makers,

    Please refrain from using characters like x and v in your captcha images, especially when you care whether I typed those letters in small or capital.

    Regards
    Fairly-sophisticated-technology-user-currently-feeling-inept-due-to-captchas-user

  101. It is funny that luck is what scientists would call statistics.
  102. Watching ‘Bones’ these days. Funny that every character seems to be throwing attitude all the time except the supposed alpha male character.
  103. Jaya Sinha to Abhaya Agarwal: Methi ki bhurji kaise banate hain?
    Abhaya Agarwal: Kuchh nahin. Methi lao aur cook ko bolo ki bana dein.

    #RecipeHoToAisi

  104. Every relationship is better when you are friends first. Parent-child, brother-sister, husband-wife and so on.
    To the strong bond of friendship!!
  105. Having to curb creativity, because there are a few miscreants, is one of the most unfortunate things with modern civilization
  106. Cleaning up the house often ends up being an exercise of picking things we do not use from one corner of the house and dumping them in another. It’s not only me, is it?
  107. Whether or not chocolate flakes on top of the cake improve the taste of the cake, they definitely increase the “Like” quotient of cake photos😀
  108. Just because something exists, you don’t have to take it seriously.🙂
  109. I guess the reason recipes do not have bad reviews is that saying it turned out bad may make you look like a bad cook😛
  110. Sun tan – which has given subtle clues about lies to so many of our fictional detectives!
  111. One lesson remains consistent from history. Even the mightiest fall. So, be humble🙂
  112. Goa airport to Mhapsa feeling: Scenes like Ooty, weather like Chennai.😀
  113. Dear parents,
    If you want to ensure safe future for your child, don’t look for a job for him. Instead make sure he is enterprising and he will always earn his keep and more.
    Regards
    An aspiring life coach😀
  114. The best style is the style you don’t notice – Somerset Maugham
  115. In this age of gadget, more than paperless, the world needs to go cordless!!
  116. I remember reading something about how Microsoft, Intel and hardware manufacturers colluded so that Microsoft will make software that would gobble up huge resources and hence people will be forced to upgrade their hardware.

    Nobody needs to do anything like that under-the-table now. All the browsers are doing it for them!

  117. Patriarchy is not always perpetrated by men. Women also come to expect their stereotypical role and place and are not comfortable moving out of it.
  118. Double entry accounting system was designed in 15th century. And we moan over laws made in British times being outdated!!
  119. Marketers have failed royally in giving us gift choices for men. Most of us don’t know men who wear cuff-links, increasingly not even ties. How many wallets can be gifted?
  120. Trying to make every decision in life optimal can make the life rather suboptimal.
  121. As it turns out, I value my freedom more than I value my time!
  122. The most important quality of a (reusable) cleaning cloth is that it should itself be easy to clean.
  123. Next time you post a hoax-induced status message on your facebook profile without checking its validity, because “what’s the harm”, think about this once. Would you really like to be perceived as gullible, naive and idiot by your friends, colleagues and relatives who are around? There is some social currency to lose. It is a social network after all.
  124. Sometimes agreeing on what is common is more important than disagreeing on what is different!
  125. Learning from history is good.
    Going back to history is an endless pit!
  126. Some things are sold because they can be sold.
    Some things are sold because they can be used.

    I prefer making the seocnd kind🙂

  127. Could he really have “winned” the best editor award for his team?
  128. The peer-group driven individuality.
  129. “You can help the idiots. You can’t help intelligent people, when they act like idiots. They have the ability to rationalize and intellecutalize their idiocy!!
  130. Dear Cinema Halls,

    How about you try to make some edible food available inside the multiplex instead of confiscating people’s food items at the entrance and spoiling their moods?

    Regards
    An annoyed customer

  131. That annoying situation of deliberating over whether to deliberate…
  132. The being-busy feeling that comes not because you have a lot to do. But because there are so many loose ends hanging out there, which you are unable to tie up.
  133. I am so skeptical, I keep my skepticism to myself.
  134. Agar mar gaya ruh aaya karegi
    Tujhe dekh kar geet gaaya karegi.- Song on SONY MIXScary!
  135. Yun to akele hi aksar, gir ke sambhal sakta hoon main,
    Tum to pakad lo haath mera, duniya badal sakta hoon main.
    Maanga hai tujhe, duniya ke liye….Heights of rationalization!!
  136. The problem with hard-earned money is that it is almost impossible to enjoy it!!
  137. “Hello Jaya jhaCongratulations! You have now successfully registered yourself to become the champion in studies this year!”–

    Dear Meritnation,

    That’s the stuff my nightmares are made of now. Yep – I often have those dreams of appearing for my 10th/12th or other important (bygone) exams, where I realize after getting the question paper that I have not studied at all and I have no clue about anything that is there in the paper.

    Please don’t spam.

    Regards
    A student forever (but not of schools!)

  138. I don’t respect stupid beliefs. I do however respect a person’s right to have them. I also defend my right to find them ridiculous.* (From my twitter timeline)
  139. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig ZiglarYeah! That guy was a motivational speaker😀
  140. Sex is not the problem. Rape is! We sometimes forget to make that distinction in public discourse.
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About Jaya

Jaya Jha is an entrepreneur, a techie, a writer and a poet. She was born and brought up in various towns of Bihar and Jharkhand. A graduate of IIT Kanpur and IIM Lucknow, she realized early on that the corporate world was not her cup of tea. In 2008, she started Pothi.com, one of the first print-on-demand publishing platform in India. She currently lives in Bangalore and divides her time between writing and working on her company's latest product InstaScribe (http://instascribe.com) with a vision to make it the best e-book creation tool. Blog: https://jayajha.wordpress.com Twitter: @jayajha Facebook: http://facebook.com/MovingOnTheBook

3 thoughts on “My Collected Facebook Wisdom :D

  1. hahahaha awesum collection!!
    i loved all of them…
    but
    “Laziness is the mother of all bad habits. But ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her. ”
    this one being winner :p
    lolzzz

  2. Pingback: Safety First: In Flight Guide For Morons « burlesquegypsy

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