Feminism vs. Romance

Writing on a tricky, potentially controversial topic after a long time.🙂

I don’t know how to react when traditions I have come to associate with suppression of female identity in the society are romanticised by the modern women. I have lost count of the number of women around me who rush to change their surnames on the facebook as soon as they get married. Or append it to their maiden surname in a weird attempt to be identified as a married woman while retaining their earlier identity. And then there is all the romance created around occasions like Karwa Chauth.

The name-changing is difficult to justify. I can’t fathom why women do that? So that their kids do not have a surname identity crisis?? If it is the romance of declaring the marriage, why doesn’t changing their relationship status suffice, as it does for their male  counterpart.

The fasts and celebrations are justified by husbands also joining their wives in the rituals. And the festivals, which have traditionally been done just out of a sense of duty, suddenly gets such a romantic aura (Thanks DDLJ for the idea?? And the daily soaps for augmenting it day in, day out??). The gender issue should go out of the window in these celebrations then, right?

I don’t know why, but it doesn’t go out for me. It just feels like a pathetic attempt to justify what should have been thrown away in a modern society.

It’s a matter of personal choice, people would say. Who am I to dictate what should or should not be done?

Agree! I have no rights to dictate. And I don’t do so. But I have the rights to feel uncomfortable, to cringe! And I choose to voice it. Even at the risk of offending people around me.

This entry was posted in Feminism by Jaya. Bookmark the permalink.

About Jaya

Jaya Jha is an entrepreneur, a techie, a writer and a poet. She was born and brought up in various towns of Bihar and Jharkhand. A graduate of IIT Kanpur and IIM Lucknow, she realized early on that the corporate world was not her cup of tea. In 2008, she started Pothi.com, one of the first print-on-demand publishing platform in India. She currently lives in Bangalore and divides her time between writing and working on her company's latest product InstaScribe (http://instascribe.com) with a vision to make it the best e-book creation tool. Blog: https://jayajha.wordpress.com Twitter: @jayajha Facebook: http://facebook.com/MovingOnTheBook

8 thoughts on “Feminism vs. Romance

  1. Nothing tricky in this article Jaya. Only you are not able to cope with your modern education and you society near you. How can a women who follow karwa Chauth or other religious festival is suppressed? What about husband who work hard like donkey whole day and feed his unducated use for nothing wife who know just cleaning and cooking for whole of his life(Feminist/Communist: i.e for sex). That is not suppression. All over the world almost in all civilization wife convert her surname to her husband’s. You know why? Because both of them cant change surname of each other, that will be ridiculous. So only one is suppose to change and majority dont see in it any supression so this custom exist.
    Well now a small gossip about who is really to blame about such flop tradition. Dear Jhaji….. please look deep inside and see is their and influence of JHAs and other brahmins who supported such outlasted tradition. And who is really to be blamed(Sorry if it hurts).
    I do support new thinkings, not by blaming tradition….. try to change it as per your need.

    BR

  2. Sigh! There are only those around to comment who know nothing better than making personal attack. What is there to even discuss with them?

    The blog does need some love from people worth engaging with!

    • If the comment is related to my comment above and tagged as “fond of personal attack” then I must be sorry and apologize..

      It was not the intent…Yes I don’t know you..but your blog catch my eyes..that is why…

      Forgive and cheers! Jaya.Oho one more thing, In wordpress before moderating any comment you can actually discard it to show off in your blog. I do a lot..if something abusive come into my way.

      -Bhaskar

    • If the comment is related to my comment above and tagged as “fond of personal attack” then I must be sorry and apologize..

      It was not the intent…Yes I don’t know you..but your blog catch my eyes..that is why…

      Forgive and cheers! Jaya.Oho one more thing, In wordpress before moderating any comment you can actually discard it to show off in your blog. I do a lot..if something abusive come into my way.

      -Bhaskar

  3. I think Faiz was talking about this outdated idea of a suppressing and enslaving kind of romantic love when he said:

    मुझ से पहली सी मुहब्बत मेरे महबूब ना माँग
    मैंने समझा था कि तू है तो दरख़्शां है हयात
    तेरा ग़म है तो ग़म-ए-दहर का झगड़ा क्या है
    तेरी सूरत से है आलम में बहारों को सबात
    तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रखा क्या है

    तू जो मिल जाये तो तक़दीर निगूँ हो जाये
    यूँ ना था, मैंने फ़क़त चाहा था यूँ हो जाये
    और भी दुःख हैं ज़माने में मुहब्बत के सिवा
    राहतें हैं और भी हैं वस्ल की राहत के सिवा

  4. After a long time… so much has changed so much.for a second i felt like- where m i? then……Great work Jaya.. i see some good comments here now not like before:) 1 dumbo writing all silly things 🙂 I was busy!

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