If your reaction is going to be “arrogant”, “presumptous”, “proud”, “swollen headed” or anything else on these lines, you need not take the trouble of writing comments. All those reactions are presumed and despite that I have, finally, decided to write this post.
If you feel tempted to provide the background, reasons, analyses and the likes of why this happens, and worse still, want to justify it, please keep off. These are not my interests just now.
If I already sound too arrogant to be read, stop here. The rest of the post is likely to be worse.
This is not a post of the kind associated with “anti-male feminists”. The phenomenon as such has nothing to do with which particular sex is the victim. It could be either way. What I am writing here is just my own experience – so obviously it is not supposed to be about presenting the pros and cons of the phenomenon by itself. But yeah, because of this cultural conditioning of males “pursuing” females in most of the societies, more often, women are expected to face this. Further, certain issues specific to male and female stereotypes do come into picture while talking about these experiences. So, while there will be similarities, there are equally likely to be differences in the actual experience faced by the two sexes.
Nor is it supposed to blame just the men for keeping this kind of practice pesistent in the society. My disgust is equally well directed to the women, who respond quite positively to the pursuals themselves (irrespective of other considerations that is!), and thus lead men to further believe in it. (Whenever it is faced by the other sex, same argument applies!)
Finally, while individuals may identify with this, rest assured almost all of it comes from the experience with more than individuals. So, any individual justifications/clarifications are not welcome.
I have had a rather long (with respect to something I could handle) list of “admirers”… It took me quite some time to accept this term (written in quotes) really, but had to finally accept it. “Admirers” are what they are called.
And what is it about them that I am going to write that has made me write the draconian disclaimer in the beginning of the post? As a plain and simple, short answer, I am sick of them. I simply do not want another one of them around me. Hark! I am much, much better off without being admired – really.
- Please, realize that I have a choice. Only posiibilities you are ready to accept are
- I am very career-oriented; hence not considering it at the moment – so you should keep pursuing.
- I just do not know what love really is and hence it is your divine duty to make me get a taste of it and then of course, I will come rushing towards you.
- I already have a boyfriend – so you should consider withdrawing. Of course, this is not sacrosanct. You may still pursue. After all the same Hindi Movies, that have taught you the lessons in the above two are filled with ample examples of the cases where the “real” lover is able to get the heroine back from the “clutches” of the “not-deserving-one” (he need not exactly be a villain). So pursue, pursue, pursue…
Now, let me reiterate – I have a choice. Suppose all of the following is true –
- I am not particularly career-oriented or my career-orientation does not prevent me from considering relationships
- I have never been in love
- I do not have a boy-friend
- It’s not “either love or hatred”. Just because I do not hate you does not mean, I must fall in love with you. Even if I like your company and/or have respect for you and/or value some of your qualities and/or am easy-going with you – I need not fall in love with you. I can not fall inlove with everyone in whom I find something that I respect or like or value or in whose company I am comfortable. Get that?
Nor is it even a sign of you “having a chance”. I might just be very clear that though there is something in you I like/resepct/value, I would not want you as a partner. Yes! That happens – even with me, if that comes as a surprise to you. (Sarcasm intended)
- And million dollar question! How does one ever get into a relationship then? If you ask me, of course, there are better ways, but I have no intention to preach. Because that will be taking into the issues of how one views the relationships. And while, I have talking about letting me have a choice, I would not like to project my choices as the choice. So, only thing I will say is if pursue you must, please do not play tricks and games. Be receptive and open to rejections at least, keeping the above two bullet points in mind. And for God’s sake – do not adopt one of these horrid defensive techniques after being rejected –
- “Yeah, yeah – I let you go, but will keep stalking you in a manner you can do nothing about.”
- “I will not miss a single opportunity to taunt you for your other relationships/friendships. ”
- “If you get into a relationship with someone else, I will make it my task to point out every thing (that I have imagined) to be wrong there”
- etc. etc.
Even then, yeah – even then my dear admirers, I need not accept you. I have a choice. You are not the kind whom I would have as a partner. Period. I do not have to accept the first offer that comes to me in my life. No! I can decide that this is not right for me. And since it is my life. You have to respect my decision and simply back off. Yes!
If you can not take rejections normally, please do not propose. Die with that “sweet” love in your heart. It’s very romantic – you know!