Frustration

(You can safely ignore this one. Does not have anything comprehensible. Concerns of Political correctness again took over the psychological urges to shout out!)

“You quit, right?”
“Yes Sir!”

I would not deny my share of escapism by refusing to accept that I quit – I indeed quit! But was is as simple as quitting. In strictest sense it was not even “forced to quit”, but what was the choice left? What all could I have fought against?

Am writing rather like a confused poet(ess). Ah! Well, sometimes you want to crib about things and still do not want to recount them. Things were unpleasent; recounting them is as much, or possibly more unpleasent, becasue while recounting, there is a sense of helplessness associated while during the actual course of action, the pride of struggle was there.

I have talked about it a lot, in a limited circle though. But that has not really helped in getting over it. Writing is probably the way, I can vent out my feelings to the best possible extent. That’s why was finally forced to writing this.

But am still not sure, what and how much to write? Anything written honestly would be politically incorrect. The people involved are very much around and it seems IITians do visit my blog at times. They might feel offended. They should know what I think. But at the same time I know that the reason why they should know would never turn into reality. But even if nothing positive turns out, I just want to shout it out. I am suffering. I am feeling bad and if people do feel offended or insulted because of my writing it out, they deserve it well. But at the same time, is it worth getting into such things. Do I not better forget it? Has that not been my philosophy of life? But then was it just one of those bad expereinces? Were there not more fundamental issues involved? Chauvinism of actors and also that of audience, which was exploited for nasty political motives by people with serious identity crisis! Have I been able to learn from the experience? Shall I be able to do anything in future, if I know that same dynamics in underway? No! Its a dilemma, I do not claim a new one for humankind. What do I do? Ironies of life are just too much. How would most of them feel if the “charges” they put on me were recounted today? How would they react to their grossly stupid stand? Interesting to think but what would it lead to? Nothing. Harm is done, to me and to the community. More unfortunate is the fact, that there are no hopes that at least the harm to community could be undone, in near future? Harm done to me would not matter after sometime anyway. What would remain ever, however, is a bitter feeling, which again can not be undone!

Whatever! I understand that this piece, if you indeed read it, would give a rather wrong impression of mine. Whatever else you think, do not jump to the conclusion that I am a very sad, cribbing kind of a person and certainly do not write me a mail expressing a desire to share the sorrow!

Other entries in the blog are more worth reading.

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