Miles to go…

Ramblings by Jaya Jha in a world that is neither black, nor white!

Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

Thinking – it does not cost anything…

IITK – Two concerns

Posted by Jaya on August 24, 2009

There are two things about IITK which keep cropping up every once in a while and I had been meaning to write something about them for a long time. First one is the issue of frequent suicide[attempts] by the students and the second one is the whole male-female interaction issues in the campus. First one gets a lot of media and alumni attention. The second one keeps circulating between the students and a select few alumni who, in their student days at the institute, were active on this issue.

Let’s take up the controversial matter of suicide first. Every time a suicide happens, there is a quick media coverage and there is an uproar on all the alumni groups worldwide as soon as one of these news items get forwarded. Why does institute not do something? For how long will it continue and the institute will be a silent spectator?

Let me be candid here. We are being harsh towards institute here and are overlooking the real reason which leads a young student, full of potential, to the desperate step of taking away his life.

The first thing to realize is that its not just IITs. Let’s think of the 10th and 12th standard exam results. Every year just after the results are announced, the number of suicides by disappointed students easily goes in double digit immediately. Probably many, many more do not come in media limelight. And wait! According to this report [PDF file, opens in new window] by National Crimes Records Bureau, in years 2005, 2006 and 2007, a total of 2283, 2378 and 1976 suicides respectively were done due to failure in examinations! Only the reported, official numbers. Actual could be much higher. Why? Yes, there are flaws in our education system at every level. There are a thousand things that need to be fixed. But you know what? The basic reasons behind these suicides can not be fixed by correcting the education system. What will you do? There is a race for marks and every extra 1%. So? Change it to a grading system? There will still be the race to get that next higher grade. Change it to a pass/fail system. Those who fail will still commit suicide. Have no concept of fail or marks or grades? You just go through the education and that’s it? The higher education system and the economic system will have to find ways to decide who is fit to go where. That will still not be a perfect system and those who do not get into what society values will still commit suicide. We can improve our education system, but it will never be perfect. Do we even know what a perfect education system is? And even if at some point of time in future, we will be able to devise a system that is perfect, that will magically eliminate the tendency to commit suicide, we can not wait until then to save young lives.

The problem is not the education system really. It is the mindset of the society that does not accept failures and helps in rebounding, that does not give a healthy, optimistic outlook for future to young minds, that only gives them a do-or-die option for all these “important” examinations. The family being the biggest criminal of all.

“How can my son/daughter be such a failure?”

Grow up moms and dads. Your child is an individual. He has his own strengths and weaknesses. And excelling in the exams you deem important may not be his strength. Heck yes. He can even fail. Don’t bring him up with the fear that his life and future and career ends if he does not get through those examinations. Don’t link his examination performance to your and entire family’s respect or disgrace in the society. And no – he does not have to be like this uncle and that cousin to prove his worth in the family. Come on. Somebody’s child will be at 90%, somebody’s at 60% and somebody’s will fail! Any of these could be yours. There is nothing like “how can it be”. Just like it could have been your neighbour’s child, it can be your child. Let’s give lives second and third chances.

And when it comes to IITs and ‘premier institutes’ in India, we are face to face with even more difficult set of parents. They have basked in the reflected glory of their child making it to IIT. In some cases with never-before-rank in their family/neighbourhood. Oh! Aren’t they on cloud-9? They don’t want to come down. There can be no looking back.

Sorry, once again moms and dads. All those who were at 60% and those who failed have been left behind your child now. Everybody at IIT is a topper here and a stud there. There will be those at 90% and those at 60% and those who fail! Oops! IITs have a relative grading system to normalize performance. Some will be 10 pointers, some 8, some 5 point someone and some will get Fs. Yes – in some cases it is an eccentric professor who causes this ‘F’. But that’s not the case all the time and even when that is the case, your child and his life are more important than the eccentric professor and the imperfect system. Its not worthwhile for him to lose his life to correct an eccentric professor. One is corrected today, the other will be born tomorrow. In some cases, your child has been neglecting his studies. But its absolutely not such a big crime that she should not get another chance.

“How can it be my child?” Just the way it was your neighbour’s child who did not make it to IITs in flying colors. It was not an end for him. He did his B. Com and an MBA and is a successful professional now. Its not an end for your child either. There is always that second chance. Don’t bother about the uncles and aunts and grapndpas and the neighbour giving that revengeful smile! If you have boasted too much about your child in past, it has been a mistake. Don’t let your child pay for it. Forget about the others, who would laugh at you. Concentrate on your child.

You know what the problem is? The society does not accept looking back; it does not accept that the the most glorious path need not be one suitable for an individual; it does not accept that you may falter but come back. If it started doing that, the results could be amazing. I have witnessed some amazing cases of ‘recovery’ [in want of a better word] in hopeless cases. Students with ‘F’s lined up semester after semester – they get their acts together and pass out decently.

As far as the system is concerned, it offers flexibility like hardly any Indian systems do. You don’t have to repeat a full year, if you fail in one subject or two or three or even all but one. You repeat only those courses you have failed in. There is nothing like repeating the whole year. If theses have been elective courses, you can choose a different elective while repeating. There are systems of warnings and academic probation and other things. These give ample time to the student to get their act together. What happens in most such cases is that the student can hardly talk to anyone in the family. The institute does a lot to create a support system. There is a counseling service. Faculty members get directly involved in some cases. And as mentioned earlier, I have personally witnessed some hopeless looking cases ending amazingly well. Not just getting through the system, but actually doing well at the end.

Only if it worked for more people. Only if it wasn’t just the institute’s responsibility and parents cared enough about their children beyond thinking of them as a ‘glory’ tool. Only if all these people could actually talk to their parents without feeling guilty and get an acceptance of their situation. Only if parents were there to support more extreme steps when needed (like leaving IIT and find a more suitable career elsewhere- what can institute do if that is indeed the best option?).

There is a system of branch change at the end of first year. Earlier there was a high CPI limit to allow branch change. The idea was to give students doing well a chance to change their department. I remember that during our times a change was brought in to lower the CPI limit and allow a branch change at the end of second year too. So, if you feel you can’t handle your department and are not performing well, change it. Despite the political incorrectness of the idea that someone performing badly in one department should be accepted in another department, keeping in mind the practical situation of students (the branches closing at higher JEE ranks create more pressure than those closing at lower ones), the system did introduce the change. I don’t remember there were any takers. The only thing it did was that more people with lower CPI applied for branch change to a “better” branch. Who will go back and tell their moms and dads that I want to switch from Computer Science to Physics! Sigh… I don’t know if the system still exists despite having no takers.

Let’s face it. Blaming education system, and academic pressure, and institute is not just unfair, its pointless and even harmful. These young lives are important and its high time parents and society creating all the pressure on them face some tough questions and stop looking the other way. The solution to students committing suicides after 10th and 12th board examination results can not be to allow them to cheat in the exams, can it be?

And now the less life threatening issue of Male-Female interaction on the campus. IIT Kanpur has historically been ahead of its time and society in dealing with this issue. Although I can see some “how-can-this-be-allowed” faces around, initially there were no restrictions on male and female students visiting the hostels of opposite sex at any point of time. It worked. Those used to a typical girls hostel should not think that girls lived in a constant terror of their privacy being violated. Just like you live at your home, you lived in the hostel – used to seeing male visitors around. At some point of time, after some untoward incident or something, a restriction was imposed between 12 midnight and 6 am on the entry of the ‘person of opposite sex’ (to quote the official documents). Practically, that too was only for the girls’ hostel and not for the boys’ hostels. That was still the practice when we had entered the institute. And then, after 40 or so years of the institute’s existence, after the world has come into 21st century, there came people in the administration who started seeing problems. At one point of time it seemed like even twin tower crashing would somehow be related to boys being allowed in girls’ hostel at IIT Kanpur! It has been downward hill since then. We had resisted then and it at least halted the idea of complete ban… But the slow damage continues to happen. I-card showing and signing in and having an escort and what not. In the name of security, a lot of restrictions are in place now.

The problem is that most of the society will not see what is wrong with this. The parents of new students will not see what is wrong with this. They are used to jail-like girls’ hostels and that’s what their notion of keeping their girls safe is. When we had entered IIT Kanpur, parents had questions about the ’strange’ arrangement. The wardens and senior students had made them understand. The institute was leading the rest of the society. The society will not be able to lead the institute if it decides to go regressive. Which is what it has decided to do unfortunately.

Advantages of the open system? Purely from a girl’s point for view – you do not have boys putting sick bets for entering Girls’ Hostel. You don’t have an untoward curiosity about what the rooms of girls look like. It makes girls less of an exotic object, and more of a human for boys, who live like them only [although it is hampered a lot simply due to the male-female ratio in the campus, but it at least saves some lives!].

What do we worry about? Girls and boys having sex? Whether we should worry about that and to what extent can itself be a subject of debate. But even if we have to worry about it, is restricting entry into hostels a way of stopping it? You really believe it? What percentage of unmarried, young people do you think get into sexual acts in a hostel room? The percentage will be tiny. If this has to happen, it will happen. Restrictions or no restrictions on hostel can not do much to curb or encourage it.

Would somebody powerful enough in the administration get their head cleared about it and stop this irreversible damage? When I am stopped at the gate of each and every hostel on visiting the campus in the name of security, it stops looking like the campus I am so proud of! The sense of freedom I always felt there vanishes. Please don’t take away that wonderful experience from the new generation of students. What more can I say. I sort of feel hopeless about it now!

Posted in IITK, Thoughts | Tagged: , | 18 Comments »

Thank You

Posted by Jaya on January 1, 2009

So one of the most important years in my life till date has come to a close. The year of the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey. Needless to say Pothi.com has been the most important thing for me this year. This is not a recap of Pothi.com’s journey so far :)

I just wanted to say Happy New Year to all and give special thanks to two sets of people (in no particular order) for Pothi.com

  • Those who have been talking about us to their friends, blog readers and others around them. It is because of you that we are constantly getting users at no marketing budget! Thank you all and I assure you that we’d strive to keep giving you reasons to talk about us.
  • Our first set of users and authors, who have stuck with us while we were facing the challenges of starting up. They bore those challenges with us. They experimented with us as we improved our production and online platform. Of course, we still have Miles to go… Our website needs a design overhaul, the store needs an Indian payment gateway and the authors need a bunch of tools. Please continue to stay with us and all of those and much more would be there for you. On this new year, a heartfelt thank you!

Posted in Thoughts | 3 Comments »

Enough is enough – finally?

Posted by Jaya on December 26, 2008

I haven’t kept up with my promise of writing frequently on twitter either. And things have changed so much since I wrote last. World is a different place after Mumbai Blasts. The hotels have re-opened, but for once “Enough is Enough” had become a popular slogan, even if only for few days.

There are a bunch of things we all know, another bunch we all thought and enough has already been written about them.

For myself, I felt scared through the whole episode. I think I belong to a country and a generation which has taken it for granted that at the end of the day, things will be all right. Yeah – there are accidents, there is corruption, there are scandals, there are murders and kidnappings, there are fights on the borders – and yet… you can survive. There won’t be a major upheavel in the way world functions. But this time the notion was challenged. It wasn’t another attack. It was a war – right in the middle of the city! A war on our own land. I felt scared. When a customer from outside India wrote a concerned mail, I almost had tears in my eyes.

Strictly speaking, it still became all right at the end. Life still moved on. There were no major upheavels in the way world functions (except for a daily I-am-warning-you-Pakistan quote from Pranab Mukherjee in the newspaper and a few resignations – but कोउ नृप होहिं हमें का हानि).

One of the very valid questions asked by many was of course that whether all the coverage, all the hype is because the attack targeted the elite of the country. So many people have died in so many terrorists activities. So, was this one over-exposed?

I don’t know. Probably yes, probably no. I am not good at current political analysis to be able to draw a conclusion here. But my sense of history tells me, that it might very well be true. The royal palaces, huge public buildings, charismatic architecture – all the toys of elites, somehow have always evoked more pride in people than the daily, routine, practically more useful things. Even the common people. So that this should have happened again, that attack on Taj infuriated people more than all the attacks on local trains, would not be a surprise to me. Whether it should be this way or not, I’d be silent on that for the time being. For now, at least it made us say “Enough is Enough!”

Posted in Thoughts | 2 Comments »

Clothes Collection Points in Bangaore and NCR

Posted by Jaya on September 3, 2008

Collection Points ( You can ship clothes to these addresses or drop them there if convenient) :

  • Bangalore
    • Abhaya Agarwal
      #A3, Karthik & Koushalya Apt
      4th Cross , 5th Main,
      Malleshpalya, Bangalore – 560075
      Karnataka
  • Delhi/Noida
    • Gauraw Singh Chandel
      Mentor Graphics (India) Pvt Ltd
      Building A, Plot No 5,
      Sec-127, Noida-201301

Posted in Thoughts | 1 Comment »

Victims of Extremist Concepts!

Posted by Jaya on September 1, 2008

SC convicts boy for sex with 16-yr-old girlfriend

What the hell!! It is amply clear that the 16 year old girl is not so innocent that she was duped into having sex. It is not clear in the article as to how this case based on supposedly a very old incident is being heard now. If the girl’s father is filing a leniency plea now, why did he have to file a case in the first place? My only guess is that the case was filed long ago, when the incident had actually happened. Even as an adult, the girls seems pretty sure that she wasn’t cheated or anything. What a terrible result of a supposedly well meaning law. On one hand, many genuine rape criminals are never punished. On the other someone who was obviously not a criminal is being punished simply because the letter of the law pronounces him to be one :( ( Its such a pity. Human judgment is so helpless before the written letters??

And these victims from our neighbouring country.

5 women buried alive in Pak, MP defends act

To make matters worse there is nothing you or I can do except to sit in front of our monitors reading the news and wondering how bad can it be!

Posted in Thoughts | 1 Comment »

Supermarket Hopper

Posted by Jaya on June 25, 2008

I feel like calling myself a supermarket hopper. I frequent different modern retail outlets (supermarkets, hypermarkets etc.) looking for something interesting that makes daily chores easy.

Ready to Eat items are only an occasional relief. Both from the price and taste perspective they can not be eaten on a regular basis. They are more of a substitute for occasional restaurant food.

Recently I discovered potato powder from a brand call Veg-it. This is dry potato powder, in which you only have to mix water to get potato mash. And I must confess I am loving it. Suddenly making aaloo paranthas and samosas at home is so much easier and faster. Boiling and mashing the potatoes is the most boring and lengthy part of preparing these dishes otherwise.

Another discovery a while back was Good Life brand of milk from Nandini. They are not substantially costlier than the normal milk packets, but they don’t need boiling. For someone like me, who is not a regular milk consumer, but does not like getting embarrassed when someone visits and there is no milk in house for a cup of tea, it was an answer to all milk prayers. I can keep the supply for several days/weeks. Until the pack is opened, it does not even need refrigeration. After opening it too, just refrigerating it is enough. No boiling required at regular intervals! Wow!

One thing I would really be happy to get somewhere is a dough maker. For atta, maida etc. That’s one time taking chore, for which I have not found a suitable solution. This is what my ideal dough making machine will do. You put in atta or maida or anything else with which you have to make a dough. Then put water in a separate compartment. You should not have to worry about the exact quantity of water. You specify what the stuff is (atta or maida or something else) and what is the purpose of making the dough (dough for making pooris needs to be harder than that for making rotis). Alternately you can specify how hard or soft you want the dough to be by rotating a knob (or though some other equally intuitive arrangement). Then the machine figures out the right quantity of water to be mixed, makes the dough and gives you a way to easily take it out and clean the machine. A more intelligent machine would not have the pre-set ratio of dough material and water. Rather it would incrementally mix the water and then test if the hardness of the dough is right – that would be closer to how the humans do it. It may even allow you some manual adjustments of the quantity of water. This would be helpful in situations where different brands of dough material have slightly different physical properties.

Beyond the cooking chores, another thing I am looking for is some device to clean the keyboard of laptops and desktops easily. There are several wipes, sprays etc. that are in the market to clean the screen, but there is nothing I could find in Bangalore that would help in cleaning the keyboard. There are some brushes, but that’s not enough. Ideal device would a powerful enough, but a handy vacuum cleaner. Otherwise, there are aerosol sprays that can help clean the dust, but I have been unable to locate them in Bangalore. They can not be brought in the flights; so can’t even get it from the US :( I did get a vacuum cleaner from ebay India, but it was wonderfully ineffective. It is powered by USB and yeah – USB can’t give enough power. I wish they had made something usable powered by electricity, rather than something cool powered by USB and totally useless! Anybody has found something in Bangalore for this purpose, please do let me know.

And hey, one gadget I would like to acquire is this – http://iball.co.in/inner/show_product_details2.asp?catid=26&pid=77. But am just resisting…

Posted in Thoughts, Time Pass | 7 Comments »

Preventing Disasters?

Posted by Jaya on May 18, 2008

While the world talks about managing disasters like Tsunami and what not, its really sad that we are unable to avoid or handle things which should be more easily handleable. A close friend lost her uncle in such an incident. Read the details here.

Posted in Thoughts | 3 Comments »

Small Things

Posted by Jaya on May 11, 2008

He was our Biology Teacher at school. As a teacher he was okay. Not so great that he would evoke a love for the subject in you, but not at all bad. He was, as I said, okay.

But it is something else about his personality that will make me remember him forever. I do not think of the environment of our residential school as one driven by logic, clarity of thoughts and rationality, in general. But people like him were a relief in that environment. When I think back of those days now, I respect him even more for maintaining in clarity of thoughts in an environment, which wasn’t quite conducive to it.

This incident had happened in another class. That class was two years seniors to us. So, I didn’t see it happen. But it was narrated to me by someone who was in the class.

Despite a lot of things I remember with distaste about the place, the student-teacher relationships were very close. Probably due to the fully residential nature of the school. So, it wasn’t uncommon to see various topics come up for discussion in the class, which may be totally unrelated to what was supposed to be taught. One day there happened to be a discussion in the class about gender bias. Our teacher was vehemently opposed to any gender discrimination. He had two daughters and was clear that he didn’t want more children just to have a son. Funnily enough, the support for gender bias came from few of students in the class, mostly boys. One of them argued that people want to have a son because लड़के नाम और वंश चलाते हैं। The conversation went like following from there. Our teacher asked the guy for his name. He replied. Then he asked for his father’s and grandfather’s name. The student replied. Then he asked for his grandfather’s father’s and grandfather’s name. The student had no idea.

“किसका वंश चला रहे हैं आप?” is what he asked. Of course, the students did not have an answer.

He did not stop there. He asked those students to raise hands, who knew the name of King Ashoka. All the hands went up. Then he asked those students to raise hands, who knew the name of King Ashoka’s son. Nobody knew or remembered. He did not have to go to the extent of asking as to who is King Ashoka’s descendant today :) “उनका नाम अब तक चल रहा है। कौन चला रहा है?” was what he asked then.

Don’t think it needs further explanation. I salute his clarity of thought and the way he managed to explain himself to a bunch of young but overconfident students.

Posted in Thoughts | 10 Comments »

On the third Story

Posted by Jaya on May 7, 2008

Do you think there are people around you with mental problems? No, it does not mean, you have to have mad people around you. People suffering from depression, somebody with an abusive personality and a victim, a stalker? Or do all these seem like distant terms, nothing to do with our daily lives. Unfortunately the recognition of these kinds of problem in our society is pretty much non-existent, while these are more prevalent than we’d like to believe.

One such relatively less known phenomenon is that of abusive relationships. In India we like to think of it as a situation where women are oppressed, financially dependent, socially unable to break free of a relationship etc. But the personality disorder that leads to abusive behaviour in beyond social or economical situations. So, it isn’t that abusive relationships are confined to only particular situations. While it may seem totally irrational, there are totally independent women who stay in abusive relationships for long time. And the reasons can be complicated in such cases. For example, they may simply not realize that it isn’t going to be all right some day. And the abusive partners are not your typical TV serial villains, who are obviously evil. Usually there are some deep-seated reasons which make abusive personalities. These people may be abusive towards the very partners they love, while being perfectly normal, even charming otherwise.

So, that’s where the characters of my story come from. Unlike the earlier two stories, this one came more naturally in English. So, I hope I won’t see a request for translations.

Have I known people in an abusive relationship? Yes. Is it their story? No. I don’t know enough of their story – so even accidentally it could not have been their story. Nor is it intended to be. It’s a fiction, that I have attempted to write around a real problem. But having known such a thing, it scares me to think that something like this could be going on very close to you and you’d be able to do nothing except to guess and keep quiet until the victim speaks up!

Posted in Thoughts | 2 Comments »

Things I want to shout from the rooftop…

Posted by Jaya on May 2, 2008

of my parents’ house, of all my relatives’ and other well-wishers’ houses, and of all those eager and kindly match-makers’ houses.

Problem क्या है is what they ask, if the guy is

  • as much or better educated than I am
  • earns as much or more than I do
  • is handsome and has a family that is ‘open minded’
  • and is not interested in going outside India, exactly like me. What better, would be open to relocating to Bangalore.
  • And of course, is a Maithil Brahmin

Problem है, Problem आपके attitude में है।

First things first: I don’t need to get married so that I find a man who can feed me after I am handed over from my parents. No! Even from my part time job, I can easily feed a family of 20 if required. I don’t need a husband or in-laws to feed me, to give me clothes and jewelry or to take care of me if I need to step out of the house. And that’s a MAJOR MAJOR thing. Saying that the family is ‘open minded’ means nothing. The whole matchmaking process in all the Indian communities and certainly in Maithil Brahmin communities does not take into account that someone like me is not there to slip in to the conventional role of a wife. It is no longer enough that there is a girl who is a good cook, who can be sweet to everybody in the family, who, in the most modern case, holds a flexible job and there is a man, who has a better education and job than the woman, who would be kind towards her, not beat her, not come home drunk and would strive to give her the best he can. And there is an ‘open minded’ family (I have come to hate that phrase). No, its not enough.

People tell me it would be difficult for them to find my match because of my education .

No Sir – Education does not make it difficult to find a groom for me. Thousands of engineers and MBAs are produced all over the world, dozens of them would certainly be Maithil Brahmins, at least ten of them would certainly pass the other criteria of gotra, mul etc. and at least couple of them would be happy to marry me. And to tell you the truth, unless you are really trying to get me to marry an illiterate person, exact education does not even mater to me. Education is not a problem. Its me, as an individual, who makes it difficult for the match-makers to find a groom for me. Not just difficult, I make it impossible for them to find the *right* groom for me.

My intellect, my views on life, my ways of life, my level of maturity matter and matter a lot. Far more than potential groom’s income and education and stability of the job. Not something matchmakers can ever take into consideration. I am a fiercely independent thinker, and I can not stand somebody who’d chant, “Oh! It has been happening for centuries. It must be right!” Or “That great man said it, it must be right.” That would be the end of my respect for the person and God knows what married life would look like. I hate being a hypocrite and would never be able to stand getting married to a person who had years of a serious relationship before this and left it just because he was sure his parents would not agree. And now is being an obedient son and marrying a girl of their choice who has no idea of his past and she would have no voice if that past would have affected her choice. Parents are wearing their model child as a medal, who did not go astray despite all his education and high society and married to a girl in the caste and of their choice. I would hate to be a that girl (would equally hate to be like that boy too) and the way the match making processes work, something like this happening is a real possibility. Shudder! Or getting married to somebody who has been sending utterly banal mail interpreting equally banal poetry and thinks that we share a lot in common (love for poetry – hence must get married) and sends his aunt over to meet me (to have a look at me?). I promptly showed her my dirty room and she never got back. Poetry and all is fine, but how would this girl manage the household of her nephew – she must have thought. Thank you auntie. Even poetry was not fine, you see. Or some dumbo who thinks he can impress somebody of my independent nature by agreeing to whatever I say – I need a life-partner; not a yes-man please. Or someone else, who puts on such airs, would object to anything I say (whether or not he understood it in the first place) that I am not sure if he is trying to cover his inferiority complex or is actually trying to act intellectual, smart and superior. Spare me – these are all good educated, good salaried, well intentioned respectable Maithil Brahmin young man.

Just that they are NOT FOR ME!

So – find your own groom. Right. But when you make a choice, its difficult to fall in love with a person who is of precisely your cast, but not of your gotra, of a higher mul and should have xyz in kundali……. Freedom from this in choice would be the real freedom! Until then, spare me – really.

Posted in Cribbings, Thoughts | Comments Off